Two Types of Airport People ✈️

Flight is on time and so am I. These new travel pants are amazing. Get through the airport and sit. Just really, just if I have to, like, run through the airport. Travel shampoo, razor, not forgetting it this time. That got hairy–. Phone charger, all done. Uber is eight minutes away, perfect.

– Oh, vacation starts today. What airline am I on? Did I check in yet? I don’t remember my password. That’s the wrong password. You know what? Let’s figure it out at the airport.

– Whew. How’s traffic looking, sir? External phone charger. You never know the plug situation at the gate. Paper boarding pass, that’s just a little secret of mine. Okay.

– Did I book a hotel? No, I didn’t. I mean there’s always, like, the best deals of the day. This one has an hourly rate. That’s fancy. It’s gonna be fine. Sleep? I’ll sleep anywhere.

– I know it seems like I’m early, but what if traffic had been bad? What if the security line is long? I just wanna make sure I’m enjoying the process and not super stressed out.

– Probably should start packing, but you know what? I’m gonna be sitting on a plane all day. I’m a get a quick workout in.

– What’s up Peloton family. Listen, you woke up today.

– I sure did.

– And you prioritized you!

– I did!

– You have the time because you made the time.

– I do have time. I have all the time in the world.

– Okay, turns out zero line at security. More time for me. Enjoy the process. You can never have too much sun protection. Kind of love it. I should get souvenirs here for the people I’m visiting. Genius. Oh look, they have rocking chairs. Most people are just too busy and they just, like, miss this whole experience. I did pack two books, but a third book is never a bad idea. Who buys a suitcase in an airport? Like, I forgot to pack a suitcase.

– Everything I wanna pack is dirty. I have time to do laundry for sure. Oh, there it is.

– My goal is to get to inbox zero before my plane arrives and I could see the gate from here and I beat the plane here again. You know what? I should probably check in with the gate agent just to make sure there are no gate changes.

– Oh, dang it. These are really damp, but I really wanna bring them. I could air them out on the way to the airport. Yes! These are really bad. Unless…

– I mean some people say it’s excessive. I mean, I am the only one here for an entire flight. I mean, I am a little worried for everyone else, not me. I just like to get eyes on the gate area. I mean, just, you never know if they’re gonna make an announcement. Some see this as excessive. I see this is just a very calming experience.

– Well, I am way on empty. Like, very empty. I mean I could a hundred percent make it but I got time to stop for gas. Let the record show, I totally would’ve made it. Easily would’ve made it. While I’m here, pro move. Why pay 20 bucks for a burger at the airport, when you can pay 99 cents for a chili dog? And why pay 99 cents for a chili dog when you can pay a $1.98 for two chili dogs? Okay, dry as a bone. All right, that’s not going anywhere. Let’s get on the plane.

– Okay. They’re boarding. I like to stand here and be ready even though I’m in the last boarding area. Just gotta be ready to go.

– Whew. Security line was nothing. Ah, they’re boarding already. I’ve still got time. I mean, honestly, you really don’t have to start making your way toward the gate until you hear your name on the loudspeaker, right? I don’t wanna get on the plane and just sit there for like 45 minutes. Oh look, suitcases.

– Ooh, I wonder if they’re gonna run out of room for my carry-on in the overhead compartment?

– What a great idea to sell suitcases in the airport for, you know, people who don’t bring suitcases. They gotta be a lot of people that do that, right?

– You know what, just gonna do the courtesy check. Ma’am. Ma’am. Yeah, I’ll just check it.

– All right, they’re closing the door in seven minutes, which is good ’cause I probably need about five minutes in here. Chilly dog doing its work, am I right?

– That’s me. Okay. I feel so alive.

– Paging Penn Holderness

– That’s me.

– This is your final boarding call. Everyone else is on the plane except for you.

– So nice of them.

– We are super leaving and closing the door unless you’re here in the next 10 seconds.

– It is so nice when they call my name out like that. This is on time. You know, walk on the plane and they shut the door.

– Penn Holderness

– On time.


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